⋒ What is your name?
Tina Smith
⋒ What are your pronouns?
she/her/hers
⋒ How old are you?
29
⋒ Where are you from?
Bedford, TX
⋒ What line of work are you in or do you aspire to be in?
Mental Health/Counseling
I am an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor). I provide counseling and therapeutic services to children, adolescents, adults, and families.
⋒ How do you identify in the LGBTQ+ community?
Is “it’s complicated” an option? For the past 10 years, I have been ‘figuring myself out’. More specifically, figuring out what letter I am in the LGBTQ+ alphabet. Am I the L (lesbian) or the B (bisexual)? Well if I’m the L then why did I feel attracted to this man? I originally determined I was lesbian and accepted it, embraced it, shouted it from the mountain tops. And I was a part of a community. I love women! But occasionally, the B would come out. Am I bisexual, am I just confused? This need to put myself in a box and give myself a label was still present. Through my journey, I have finally reached an answer to this exact question:
I do not identify completely with one specific identity in the LGBTQ+ community. I know who I am. I know my heart. I know that I have so much love to give to someone, my person, regardless of their gender or how they identify. Regardless of my own. I am me. I can come as I am, free of labels and free of expectations and social constructs. Maybe I present as an L today, a B another. In reality, it doesn’t matter. I just have to be me and come as I am, no over thinking required.
⋒ At what age did you come out? How long did you live with your identity as a secret?
I was 19 when I first recognized I was attracted to women. I fell in love with my college best friend. We met sophomore year and she identified as lesbian. She was so confident, beautiful, witty, and unapologetically herself. I fell so hard. She had come out in high school. Several important relationships in her life were tested because of it, but she did so regardless because she was not willing to live in the shadows of secrecy and pretend to be someone she wasn’t. She fought for herself and who she loved. The risk she took and her bravery was inspiring and empowering. Through her story along with growing up having encouragement from my family to always be myself and accept others, I started the coming out process. I’ve come out to various people at various times. Kaila put it best: “coming out is a journey, not an event” and “we all spend the majority of our lives coming out about who we are!”
⋒ What do you want to share with readers that showcases how you COME AS YOU ARE?
In my profession as a counselor, I strive to create the space and a message that invites/encourages clients to “Come As You Are”, meaning I am here to accept you as you are with no judgement and meet you where you are at. I’m here to be on your side and offer my support. I practice this in my work every day, especially through teaching others how to dismantle harmful beliefs and stereotypes. I believe that everyone should come as they are and know that they are worthy and loved. As a counselor, I’ve learned that you must walk the walk and talk the talk, no matter how challenging it may be to do so. Which led me to ask myself: “Am I doing so in my personal life? Am I walking the walk and talking the talk? If I truly believe that my clients should embrace who they are and be loved, do I believe the same for myself?” Oh, that last question has challenged me. Once I declared I was lesbian years ago, that was often challenged and I HAD TO figure out the real reason or hidden meaning for me being attracted to a man randomly. STOP. Why did I have to? I would never put this pressure on my clients or force them to identify any certain way. I’d tell them to not overthink it, don’t pressure yourself, just “come as you are”, embrace yourself and your journey and love who you love (ALL labels and opinions excluded) ……So why am I doing the opposite? Why am I still trying to “figure myself out”? I know who I am, I know my heart, I know that I have so much love to give to someone, my person, regardless of their biological sex or identification. Regardless of mine. I am me. I can come as I am, free of labels and free of expectations and social constructs. I must walk the walk and talk the talk. I MUST LOVE MYSELF. Maybe I present as an L today, a B another. In reality, it doesn’t matter. Just as I encourage my clients to do, I have to be my authentic self and come as I am.
⋒ How has living your life authentically transformed your life for the better?
Living my life authentically has allowed me to break free of labels, free of rigid expectations and social constructs. By living my life authentically, my anxiety has lessened because I am no longer overthinking and constantly questioning my identity. I am accepting myself and am becoming more confident. I have learned to start loving myself (which is an ongoing process and takes work). I’ve become a better advocate for others, a better counselor, and a better version of myself. I’ve learned that the people who matter will accept my authentic self and embrace it. If someone does not accept me, I no longer take that as “my fault” or “my responsibility/problem”. Non-accepting, unsupportive people do not belong in my inner circle and it’s their problem, not mine. I am not broken or messed up (which is how I used to view myself). I am me and I am awesome! That’s how we should feel about ourselves and I hope I help empower my clients, friends, and others to stay true to themselves and come as they are because who you are is amazing.
⋒ What challenges have you faced since living an authentic life? How have you overcome those hardships?
During my journey of “figuring out” my identity, I’ve been told by friends and family that I’m not really a lesbian, that I would end up with a man. Some lesbian friends of mine have thought I’m gross for having been with both men and women. I’ve felt hurt that people I cared for didn’t understand me. Once I declared I was lesbian years ago, that was often challenged and I HAD TO figure out the real reason or hidden meaning for me being attracted to a man randomly. I allowed pressure, anxiety and confusion to own me. I’ve felt shame, judged, and unaccepted. There is so much stigma attached to identifying as “bisexual” and identifying as any part of the LGBTQ+ community. Once I let go of all of this, and learned to live my life authentically, I don’t hold myself to these unreasonable rules or constructs. Does it still hurt sometimes when I face adversity? Of course. But I have the tools and strength now to get through it and live my life authentically without ever going back.
I have overcome these hardships by:
- Utilizing my amazing support network of friends and family.
- Advocating for others and finally realizing the importance of advocating for myself.
- Therapy. Therapy. And more therapy. Here’s my mental health plug. Let’s break the stigma. Going to therapy does not mean you are broken or need fixing. Therapy provides a safe place for personal growth with a caring professional who provides empathy, support, and walks alongside with you in your journey. I go to therapy once a week and for that hour every week, it’s all about me. Therapy is my self-care and something I make a priority. I look forward to going somewhere I feel safe and can connect with someone I trust. It’s my space to grow as an individual and not have to face everything alone. Every single session, I leave feeling lighter, clearer minded, less anxious, and more confident in myself.
⋒ Is there someone in your life who inspired you to live authentically or always encouraged you to show up as your truest self?
The youth that I serve through my work has inspired me to live authentically and show up as my truest self. So much of today’s youth are open, accepting and embracing of who they are. It’s inspiring and beautiful to witness. And teens have really good BS radars and knowing when someone is not being authentic. And they will call you on it. I must walk the walk and talk the talk. I believe in what I do and must apply it to myself. If I don’t, I’m doing a disservice not only to myself, but to my amazing clients who inspire me every single day.
⋒ Any advice for readers on how to connect with their courage so that they too are able to show up for their life as their truest selves?
1. Surround yourself with positive, empathetic people who support you without judgement and who encourage and uplift you. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable and seek support.
2. Learn to love yourself. Recognize your worth and your right to be your truest self. Silence any negative, self-destructive thoughts—it isn’t easy and it takes practice.
3. Own your journey. Your journey is yours and no one else’s. It’s ok to not be ready. There is no timeline you have to follow. Give yourself grace, patience and trust in the process that is your journey.
⋒ Last, but certainly not least, if you could choose any song to be your life’s anthem, what would it be?
“I Was Here” by THE Queen herself, Beyonce
