⋒ What is your name?
Cori Calico
⋒ What are your pronouns?
She/her
⋒ How old are you?
25 years old
⋒ Where are you from?
Originally from Conway, Arkansas. I now live just outside Seattle, WA.
⋒ What line of work are you in or do you aspire to be in?
Currently a Special Education ParaProfessional but my goal career is a Firefighter
⋒ How do you identify in the LGBTQ+ community?
I identify as gay. I don’t really like the term “lesbian” for some reason. But man I am so proud to be gay!
⋒ At what age did you come out? How long did you live with your identity as a secret?
I came out at 22. A few months after I graduated college. The first time I kissed a girl, I was 16 years old and it changed my life. However, at that age I really didn’t think it meant anything. I continued to date men the next five years. I kissed several girls throughout college and it was probably around age 21 where I really realized that I was at least bisexual. I honestly thought I would still marry a man, I didn’t think I had a choice. I thought I just hadn’t found the “right guy” yet. I lived with my identity as a secret for six years and it was an exhausting battle. I’m a very open and honest person so it was really difficult for me to hide such a huge part of my life for so long. I did open up about my “struggle with homosexuality” around age 20 but never told anyone that I was actually pursuing those desires and kissing girls.
⋒ What do you want to share with readers that showcases how you COME AS YOU ARE?
I come as I am every day. Regardless of where I am or who I am meeting, I pledge to myself to always be 100% authentic. I think coming as we are has to do with so much more than just our sexuality. However, I don’t want to diminish the importance of that piece. Coming as you are means to show up as YOU. To be real about the things you like and don’t like. To be genuine and authentic in your presentation of yourself to people. I think so often we try to put on a mask and adapt to a personality that we think we SHOULD present in order to “fit in”. We are afraid of being our truest selves because we want to be accepted fully. And likely at some point or another, we have been shamed for a certain part of our story or our identity which causes us to want to hide that part. For me, coming as I am means being open and honest about the fact that I’m a gay Christian. Both of those identities are so important to me but also so very unpopular in many circles. Lots of Christians don’t like gay people and lots of gay people don’t like Christians. So it’s sometimes a tricky and scary identity to bring to social circles.
⋒ How has living your life authentically transformed your life for the better?
It has drastically changed my life. Before coming out, I was so lost, so frustrated, so lonely, so sad. I tried and tried and tried to be straight for years. I did everything I was “supposed” to do. I couldn’t keep lying to myself and to others about this part of my life. While I wouldn’t say that being gay is my full identity, it certainly is part of it. And not living my life authentically was frankly exhausting. Living my life authentically has made my life more full. I am so much happier with myself and with my relationship with God. I no longer pray to Him every day and beg Him to make me straight, but rather my prayers about my sexuality have turned to praises.
⋒ What challenges have you faced since living an authentic life? How have you overcome those hardships?
I think the hardest thing for me was the loss of friendships. I had a very strong circle of friends/community through high school and especially through college. After coming out, most of my Christian friends walked away from me. Some abruptly and some slowly. It was excruciatingly painful. However, I now feel like I have a handful of solid friends in my life again. It definitely took time but I’d rather have to wait on quality friends than settle for people who really weren’t friends in the first place. I think the other thing that’s been particularly difficult is the lack of support from my extended family. My immediate family has been very supportive for the most part, but hardly any of my extended family will be attending our wedding. While I wish the situation were different, I would rather have no relationship with them than one where I felt constantly judged and condemned. I’ve overcome these hardships by really leaning on Jesus. Looking to Him for love and acceptance rather than looking outward.
⋒ Is there someone in your life who inspired you to live authentically or always encouraged you to show up as your truest self?
My friend Sarah. She was my sergeant at the Police Department I worked at when I came out. She was the first openly gay Christian person I’d ever known. To see her living her life with her wife and kids was so inspiring for me. To see them serving Jesus and attending church together was so impactful for me. It was through her journey that I was really truly PROUD to be a gay Christian. She always encouraged me to be myself, pursue Jesus and forget the rest. To this day, some of the best advice I have ever received.
⋒ Any advice for readers on how to connect with their courage so that they too are able to show up for their life as their truest selves?
Don’t be afraid to feel all of your feelings. Take time intentionally out of your day to sit and process. Write down your fears and talk to God about them. If you are afraid to be your true self, think about why. If you have a trusted friend or mentor that you know, confide in them. One of my favorite quotes of all times says this: “Confession to God brings forgiveness but confession to others brings freedom”. I’m not saying in any way that homosexuality is a sin that needs forgiving, but I think the last part of that quote is so applicable here. When we tell others our secrets, they lose their hold on our lives. We begin to find freedom and we step into bravery. I think that coming out was the bravest and best thing I’ve ever done for myself. But I do think timing is everything. Coming out is about YOU and your journey and your timeline. Never let anyone rush that. Whatever it is that makes you YOU, do that. Be your truest self. The people who are meant to stay in your life will.
⋒ Last, but certainly not least, if you could choose any song to be your life’s anthem, what would it be?
“I Can Just Be Me” by Laura Story
Words By: Cori Calico
