Free From Fear

We live in a world today that invites a plethora of opportunity to support or terrorize a cause, an organization, or a community. We are a diverse nation, one that is full of people from different backgrounds, contrasting beliefs, and differing identities. As we have continued to progress as a country, so have the minds of many of the Americans that live here. This has allowed more and more marginalized groups of people to live their life out more freely than ever before. However, we are still littered with people who continue to reject acceptance; Americans who refuse to broaden their way of thinking or believing.

My mother in law always says that severe anger is bred from overwhelming fear. As I have grown into the adult woman that I am today, one that is a part of a marginalized community, I find this to be incredibly true. Throughout my coming out journey, I have come face to face with people, both friends and acquaintances alike, who have put their fear on display, whether consciously or subconsciously. This fear, one that is born from the discomfort of not knowing, is familiar to so many of us. The fear of the unknown has at one point or the other struck in my own life. I experienced immense fear once I graduated college, not knowing what was ahead for me. I went through many fearful moments after coming out, unsure of how I would be perceived by friends and family moving forward. And I can say with certainty that these fears, and many others like it, would be known to cause anger to flourish. So, what I am trying to suggest is that I can identify with this idea. However, what I cannot identify with is the type of fear that promotes the rejection of others. You know the kind of fear I am talking about; the kind that encourages hate and judgement.

I am sure you could have guessed that I think its important to hone in on this notion as it relates to people who are still in fear of the LGBTQ+ community. I constantly find myself mulling over this question, one that is on my heart on a consistent basis: what does anyone truly have to lose by doing their part to cultivate a world that celebrates our people rather than tearing them down? What is at risk if everyone were to halt their judgement, and instead led with kindness and acceptance? Can you imagine the wave of change? What a simple concept; to let everyone live out their life as their most authentic self. A concept like this, if truly adopted, could change an entire world.

And let me be clear. I do not mean the type of acceptance in which people are tolerated. The kind in which you say “I’ve got no problem with gay people. I mean, I don’t want one in my locker room. But other than that, all good.” That type of toleration is just a diluted continuation of fear. I’m not suggesting we lessen our fears. I’m talking about facing them square on and freeing ourselves from them altogether. I’m talking about the kind of genuine acceptance in which everyone, and I mean everyone, is celebrated. I’m talking all races, all genders, all identities, all human beings. A true merriment of humanity. The ultimate unity. Couldn’t we desperately use more communion and less division?

I want to get back to the original question. Let me ask it again: what is truly at risk if we were to let go of our fears and simply accept people for who they say they are? That piece is very important. No matter if you understand it, identify with it, or believe in it — that is not important. What is essential is that we accept people, irrefutably, for who they know themselves to be in their heart. What is at risk if we are to believe a child when they demand that they are not in fact a boy, but a girl? What do you have to lose by simply loving your daughter when she tells you that she is a lesbian? Why not just support and defend your best friend when he introduces you to his boyfriend? And my word, why can’t we just allow a trans-woman to pee in the bathroom that represents her identified gender?! I have racked my brain for days, and I cannot think of a single negative outcome if we were to just celebrate and embrace humanity. However, you know what I can think of? An incredibly lengthy list of benefits that would be made possible from such a societal shift.

LGBTQ+ youth flourishing in school without the presence of life-altering bullying, so often learned from the bully’s parents.

Trans women of color living their truth proudly and openly, escaping the fear of being killed just because of who they are.

LGBTQ+ youth and young adults alike, building stronger and healthier relationships with their parents; an acceptance that is sure to change the trajectory of their life.

Bi-Sexual sisters and brothers being seen for their truest selves, all due to patience and understanding from their friends and family.

The benefits could go on and on. And this is just in relation to the LGBTQ+ community. If we were to extend this practice for all of humanity, the ripple effects could truly be endless. I challenge you to imagine that anyone important in your life, whether it be your child, your friend, your cousin, or your neighbor, identifies as a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Wouldn’t you be desperate that they live in a world free from ridicule? Free from tumultuous family relationships? Wouldn’t you be insistent that they are wrapped up in acceptance rather than picked apart for being who they are?

Now, I am certain there is someone, somewhere, reading this and thinking, “So, we should just let people live as murderers, abusers, and rapists if that is who they are?” If that person is you, I don’t know what else to say other than I am sorry for you. That you would go to any length to negate a world of acceptance. That you will find every excuse to continue living in a systemically broken world. One that favors the privileged and attempts to erase the marginalized for the comfortability of the majority. You and I both know that this is not what I am suggesting. And let me emphasize one more time that you know it, too. I know that you are smarter than the simmering hatred that is bred from your fear. Do not let it fester. I know that you are acutely aware that the overwhelming majority of the LGBTQ+ community are just people who are desperate to live out their truth and are not to be compared to truly ill-hearted people.

I know that there will always be bad people in this world. I know that we cannot change the hearts and minds of every single human who calls America home. I am aware that specific groups of people will never be open to such an idea. But deep in my core, I really believe that the overwhelming majority of people in this world favor kindness over hatred. And some just don’t know how to put that into action. So let’s start here, with a suggestion that is so simple; accept people for exactly who they are. Identify with them around things that matter instead of shaming them for things you don’t quite understand. Let us recognize that we are all Americans and we are all human. That we are neighbors, and coworkers, and that we are in this together. Why not bring more people to your table rather than building a higher fence? Why not broaden your views by opening your heart to things that scare you most?

The history of America can be hard to bear. It’s full of marginalization. Full of judgment. We have come so far and so many have awakened to realize that there is life in the right. I desperately beg that you do not look back on history just to realize you were on the wrong side of it. By starting with simply accepting and loving people for who they know themselves to be, we are working together to cultivate a world that is built on compassion. Whether it is acceptance for the LGBTQ+ community, compassion for people with disabilities, support for working mothers, positive language around body image, or kindness towards people of non-Christian faith communities, our world benefits greatly from letting go of our fears. I can promise you this; we have nothing to lose and absolutely everything to gain.