Dear Social Media: Please Don’t Kill My Wife

Social Applications are a powerful media tool. Anyone living in this day and age knows this to be true, especially in the wake of Coronavirus and the Black Lives Matter movement. We have seen how this type of media can spread facts and fear about a global virus and how it can inspire an entire country to fight for equality and justice.

And while it can serve as an amazing place for community and guidance, it can also serve as a rage igniter. It can spark feelings of hate in the hearts of its viewers; an internal loathing so strong, it has the potential to lead to external action.

Before I continue, let me be clear on this very important matter. Both Laine and I stand with the Black community in the fight for racial equality. I have spent an exorbitant amount of time educating myself over the past few weeks via articles, books, and through listening to a multitude of Black voices on instagram platforms. As a result of this awakening, I have come to possess a deeper awareness of the systemic racism that still very much exists in our country today. America’s history is one full of oppressive behavior and disgraceful actions that has left our Black brothers and sisters yearning for so much more than we have afforded them. To know that racism still has a home in a number of people’s hearts is devastating, and I could not be more hopeful that we are on our way to a world changed; one in which we are all treated equally and judged solely by our character and never our appearance or identity.

We are seeing a fast evolving trend on social media in which fighting for racial equality and overdue change is synonymous with the demonization of our country’s police officers. In case you are new around here, my wife is a cop, making her a member of the vilified. This attack on the law enforcement profession is in response to the blatantly unjustified police violence that we have seen in America in recent years, specifically against people of the Black community. These cases of unwarranted police brutality are of course not new in America; they are simply being filmed and jolting us from our neglectful slumber. As a spouse of law enforcement, I refuse to make any attempt to negate or defend what has happened far too many times simply because I want people to respect my wife as an officer. I cannot and I will not. Serious reformation is long overdue and both Laine and I have our eyes and ears wide open to the changes that we know need to be made within the police profession.

However, what I WILL speak up in opposition to is the carelessness in sharing media that leads to the blatant disregard for the continuation of my wife’s beating heart.

Police Officers are currently facing what feels like an entire country that questions their character as human beings. Although many people are intending to support the Black Lives Matter movement and bring the entire system into question, some of the propaganda that is flooding the internet is making its viewers, whether consciously or subconsciously, disregard the human life of every single law enforcement officer in America.

Systemic and institutional oppression is a virus in this country. The system is rigged to favor the white population, I have no doubts about that. Due to the tyranny that was imposed on them for centuries, the Black Community lacks the many years it takes to build wealth, prosperity, and ownership. To quote President Lyndon Johnson, “You do not take a person who has been hobbled by chains and bring him up to the starting line of a race and then say ‘you are free to compete with the others…’ Equal opportunity is essential, but not enough…”. Their community has not had the privilege of reaping the benefits of the American Dream since its inception, which has created a society that is undoubtedly more challenging for the Black community.

However, what I desperately wish we could stop to ponder is that the system we repeatedly speak about is made up of us; you and me. America is consistent of human beings and our country is systematically flawed. So does that mean that all of us in it – all of us that make up that system – are deliberate racists with the intent to harm the Black community? My personal opinion is absolutely not. Sure, many of us in the White community are suddenly awake and working to dismantle implicit bias that we have unknowingly learned (this is so needed and a practice that should continue throughout our lives), but I believe the majority of us are subconsciously prejudice and not actively racist. Of course there are some conscious and intentional racists, but those people are just horribly tacky and deserve zero pardon.

So what I want us to ponder is this: why can’t this country bring that same ideology when considering those that make up law enforcement departments? There are many agencies that are flawed, some much more than others. But that does not mean that the individual officers that comprise that institution are all flawed; just as we as individuals that make up a systemically broken country are not all broken. Police Departments are simply one slice of the pie that make up the entire system. Just as many of us White Americans are becoming educated on the Black experience, so are many White police officers. They are not in a separate category of human simply because they are a cop and police departments are not exempt from those ill-hearted, intentional racists. The majority of LEO’s are a part of this awakening as well. If we can assume (and I hope that we can) that not all White Americans are consciously racist, why can’t we extend this same assumption to our country’s police officers?

Of course, I am not suggesting for one nano of a second that we extend pardon or grace for the officers that have intentionally used brutality or deadly force against an innocent civilian. Please hear me on that. This suggestion of extending grace is for the officers who are currently screaming at the top of their lungs what the majority are refusing to hear:

“BUT I AM ONE OF THE GOOD ONES”.

The media that has flooded both our social apps and the main stream news channels strongly suggests that those who make up our law enforcement agencies are nothing but disgraceful white supremacists who are simply abusive, violent, and undeserving of respect. These powerful media avenues have dehumanized police officers in a way that threatens not only their good character, but also their life.

Social Media is full of people who are looking to connect through influence. Whether it be activism influencers, fashion bloggers, Hollywood celebrities, these accounts’ followers look to them for not only pretty pictures and clever captions, but also guidance and information. Digesting the media that these content creators are providing on their feeds can truly alter a person’s beliefs or shape the way in which they view the world. It’s powerful. It is not to be taken lightly.

How do I know it’s incredibly powerful? Because it worked on me. 

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am in complete awe of my wife. I say this not to brag, but simply to compliment her where it is due. She is quite literally the kindest person I have ever met. To do anything with ill-will would be completely out of her nature. She simply does not know how to be anything but thoughtful and this is felt by almost every one that she comes in contact with. I fell deeply in love with her because of this. I married her because of this. And even so, with all of that fiery love in my heart, I found myself questioning her integrity. After a week of digesting what so many of my friends were re-sharing on their instagram stories and posting on their facebooks, I began to find myself wondering if my wife is a police officer for the wrong reasons. It was incredibly taxiing, as I have never been anything but proud of the woman that I share this life with.

After realizing what was happening, I felt a sense of rage and fear. I became acutely aware that if the propaganda being shared all over the internet found a way to seep into my feelings, there is no telling how it is effecting those that have no ties to a police officer. If someone who possesses no doubts about their spouse’s integrity can be subconsciously influenced by this type of media, then there is no question it is transforming how our country chooses to treat my wife.

I have spent hours secretly wondering if any of our friends have thought about how their negative propaganda on their social media could very much contribute to the death of my Laine. I secretly wonder if anyone, not just our friends, have made that connection. Just as we White Americans need to dig deep down in our hearts to educate ourselves on how we have allowed systemic racism to thrive for far too long, a number of people also need to take a dive and examine why they are so willing to recklessly dehumanize an entire profession made up of human beings. As I’ve stated, social media is a powerful place. Many of our friends, as well as influencers and celebrities, are assassinating the character of all police officers in this country. The generalizations are everywhere and this strongly contributes to the narrative to despise law enforcement. And when you start adding up follower counts, you realize it is consumed by millions and millions of people, many of whom are our youth. It takes one person seeing how much their Hollywood idol or favorite blogger hates cops to decide that this is the day they will take one out for good. It takes one ill-hearted, unstable person to consume this media and go out and kill my wife all for the uniform that she wears. There are no rules as to who can have an instagram account; it can be obtained by anyone with a phone. Therefore, it is not too much of a stretch to assume that a number of the police ambushes that have occurred in this country are in direct coordination with the media that has been consumed by evil human beings.

To all of our friends and those that we follow who have continued to share nothing but hate towards Law Enforcement: you are putting a target on her back. You’re creating the animosity that she faces every day. You’re the reason that she is questioning her profession, the one that she has put her heart and soul into for the past five years. The one that she worked tirelessly to get after not making it into the academy the first time. The career that required she be pepper sprayed, tear gassed, and tased so that she could wear that uniform with integrity and awareness. The job in which she has saved innocent children from abusive parents, arrested drunk drivers before they killed your loved ones, served as hope and comfort for numerous rape victims, and provided transportation to shelters for those without a place to lay their head at night. She has been called every name you can imagine, spit on, tackled, and labeled a racist. She has feared for her life more times than she can count, all for a paycheck that doesn’t quantify the treatment.

She could share all of the good that she does for the community she serves, but it isn’t why she does the job. She does not want the praise and she does not care if you know how many times a week she is called a pig. She knows what she vowed to do when she took her oath, and that is to protect citizens from harm in the city that she patrols.

Let me tell you something. Black lives don’t just matter. They are valued. They are loved. They are deserving of equality and every ounce of respect. Black lives are our lives because without them, we are not whole. Without them, we are not America. They are our family; our sisters and brothers. This is not up for debate. If you have any objections to this sentiment, you need to take a long, hard look at your heart and face the demons inside you. The Black community is full of so much beauty, intelligence, and power. I am beyond honored to have learned so much from so many these last few weeks. I will continue to learn. I will continue to check myself. And I will ensure that I cultivate a world around me that I want to see more broadly; one that is full of diversity and genuine love for our neighbors.

And let me tell you something else. My Laine is not just one of the “good cops”, as so many of our friends have assured us they believe. This is the bare minimum. Good cop doesn’t begin to scratch the surface. Her heart is made up of pure gold. She is as selfless as they come and she would step in the pathway of danger to shield you from feeling any pain. This is how she is wired; she does not know another way of being. My Laine is not just a good cop; she is an impeccable person.

We can live in a world where both of these things hold true; one in which Black lives are both protected and free and police officers are honorable and noble. I know this for certain because it is a reality that I witness every day. And if it is my reality, we must assume that it is many other’s as well. Please do not forget the infamous Maya Angelou quote, “We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike”. Remind yourself of this every day. Repeat is as many times as it takes. No one, not a single person in this country, deserves to be stripped of their humanity. Not a Black person, not an LGBTQ+ person, not a White person, and not a Police Officer. If we continue to see other’s as less than human because of their skin color, their identity, or their profession, we will certainly perish. Let us not amplify our differences, but focus on our similarities.

Martin Luther King said it best: “Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that”. This is the anthem. This is the beginning and end of everything.