In the day following the news of Kobe and Gigi Bryan’t passing, it is overwhelmingly apparent that the majority of our world is mourning this loss together. For so many people, especially young male athletes, they have just lost a person that they have aspired to resemble for years. Someone that they look to for inspiration while they fight for their goals. I am well aware that Kobe Bryant leaves a complicated legacy behind; one that is inspiring while controversial. But no matter how you felt about Kobe, this moment we are in cannot be ignored. His death has instilled a reminder in people all across this country that we are not guaranteed anything. That no matter how famous you are, how talented you are, or how super-human you may seem, all of us are on borrowed time. Perhaps it is one of the only intangibles that exists that truly levels the playing field of life. We cannot escape accidents. We cannot escape tragedy. No amount of money, greatness, or fame can save us from sudden loss. It is a harsh reality that can feel defeating. If focused on for too long, it can feel devastating; to know that in an instant, your entire world can change.
I have been asking myself this question all day: why does it take such horrible news to shake us awake to the truth that our time here is limited? Isn’t it about time we seal this reality into our hearts and allow it to transcend into our everyday lives?
I was listening to one of my favorite authors, Jen Hatmaker, speak about the tragedy this morning. And she poured some light into me that I feel so many people could afford to hear. She begged the suggestion that we practice saying yes more often. And it got me thinking about how we are so encouraged to learn to say no as to create healthy boundaries. I cannot tell you the number of books I have read and new year resolutions I have seen that urge the lesson of saying no. And although I am incredibly supportive of mental-health boundaries and inserting no when it is required, I want to say this: let’s not forget to also say yes. Let’s say yes to coffee with that old friend who is passing through town. Let’s say yes to date night with our spouse, even though it’s been a crazy week. Let’s say yes to family snuggles on the couch instead of cleaning the kitchen. Let’s say yes to just spoons and the ice cream tub because who needs bowls anyway. Let’s say yes to one more round even if your trainer said no more than one glass. Let’s consistently ask ourselves where we can insert more yeses into our lives that would bring about genuine happiness to either you or someone in your circle. Let’s always say yes when it brings immense joy.
Say no to doubt. Say no to worry. Say no to toxicity. But for gods sake, say yes to your people. They are all we’ve got. We are only afforded this one little life. Say yes to your little corner of the world and nurture it as much as you can. We only get one chance at this thing, and if we spend it saying no to our tribe and excusing those no’s with sentiments such as “we’ll do it next week”, or “maybe tomorrow”, we may never get the chance. All that truly holds validity in our lives is the people that we have the chance to spend it with. Our mothers and our fathers. Our spouse. Our siblings, our kids, and our best friends. The connections that we build with the people that we share our corner of the world with is really all that matters. The memories that we make with them are truly all that we get.
And potentially even more importantly, do not forget to say yes to yourself. Do not continue to say no to the things that set your heart on fire. This yes tends to be the most difficult of all, but I would argue it is the most imperative. Life is passing every single day with no promise for a tomorrow to start the things you keep putting off. Do not keep avoiding the yeses for yourself because you are in fear of the future. If we have learned anything in the last 24 hours, it is that it is not a sure bet.
I challenge you to allow this tragedy to simmer within you. Hold onto the perspective that you are experiencing today. Allow it to adhere to your heart strings and do not let the feeling be fleeting. Do not just post an inspirational quote on your instagram story and then move on tomorrow. Let this loss sink in and take it with you throughout your life. You did not have to know the Bryant family, much less watch NBA basketball, to feel human emotion after yesterday’s news. Whether you are mourning the loss of your hero, grieving with the children who have lost a parent, or hurting with the wife who will bury a spouse, we all have a reason to connect to such a death. You can, and you should, allow this moment in time to remind you of an important lesson that we should all carry with us for the remainder of our time here.
My heart physically aches when I allow my brain to imagine losing two people that I love so dearly in one day. I hope like hell that those families affected feel an entire world pouring love into them after yesterday’s events. If for one second we can find a silver lining in a world shaking tragedy like this one, might it be this: we are all human. Let this serve as a reminder that we are more alike than we are unalike. That this world is nothing but a bunch of land and dust if it weren’t for the people we share it with.
What a shame it would be to leave this world with anything in your heart other than adoration for the way that you chose to live your life. The amount of opportunities to say no are endless. Let’s open our eyes and our hearts to those moments that we should say yes. Let’s remind ourselves that certain affirmations could change someone’s life: yes to acceptance, yes to equal treatment, yes to loving anyway. Let this serve as a gentle reminder to love your people well by sharing in joy with them by just saying a simple yes. On one hand, this is all that we can do. While on the other, it is everything we should do.
