LOVE WINS

If you know me at all, you know that the title of this post is one of my favorite sayings. It is tattooed on my arm in turquoise ink for crying out loud. These two little words encompass so much of what I believe. That no matter how broken this world may seem, love will always show up, wrapped in hope, and illuminate our world with light. The good people of this generation, the ones who we so rarely get to hear about over the noise of the negative, will make sure of it.

Just 3 weeks ago, I had the pleasure and honor of marrying the love of my life. What a day it was. I feel certain I will never be able to collect my thoughts and eloquently express just how much my wedding day meant to me. And for a list of reasons that go far beyond me feeling like the prettiest princess version of myself. All that really comes to mind is FREAKING AMAZING, WOW, OMG. However, for the sake of this post, I will try and describe my feelings with a bit more grace.

A few weeks before our actual wedding ceremony, Laine and I, just like everyone else in the world, had to go downtown to the county clerk’s office to apply for our marriage license. As we walked into the downtown Dallas skyscraper, hand in hand with giddy smiles on our faces, we quickly realized there was not going to be anything romantic about this process. We rode the elevator to a top floor to find ourselves in a cold room with white walls, zero decor, and rows of old chairs to sit in while you wait for your name to be called. “Fill out the information form on this computer”, we were instructed. And so we did. We filled out our personal information on a computer that was archaic beyond belief. We sat back down and waited for one of the workers to call us back so we could pay our eighty-three dollars and receive the piece of paper that would be the start to making us officially wife and wife.

And then it hit me. I was engulfed in an overwhelming feeling of both happiness and sadness. These two emotions hit me like a ton of bricks as I sat there realizing that just FOUR years ago, women and men of the LGBTQ+ community did not have the privilege of visiting this dreary 22nd floor. They did not get to visit this cold, white room because just four years ago, it was illegal to marry someone of the same sex. Here we were, poking fun at how unromantic of a process it is to obtain our marriage license, all the while not realizing how many would have given up everything to be able to sit right where we were currently sitting. Gay women and men all over our country dreamed of sitting with their fiance to fill out their personal information on that outdated computer, just as their heterosexual friends and family would have the chance to do. I was floored. To think of the devastation that I would feel, to be as in love with my Laine as I am today, and to be told that due to the law, you cannot marry the one whom you love. It is a gut-wrenching feeling, one that I cannot imagine facing had I met Laine just four years sooner.

Fast forward to our wedding day. I could not shake how I felt in that government office just a few weeks prior. I felt an urge tugging at my heart to pay tribute to all of those equality activists who fought so hard to ensure that Americans like Laine and I would be seen as equals under the constitution. I wanted to be certain that it was not lost on me just how lucky Laine and I were to be celebrating our love with not only our dream wedding, but one that is recognized as valid in the eyes of the law. So, I allowed my mind to wander to a time when this country would have told me that I am not allowed to marry the woman that I adore. And in turn, I felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude as our wedding day unfolded. I felt so much joy as my Mom zipped up my long, lace dress. I felt my heart bursting with love as I tapped Laine on the shoulder for our “first look”, seeing each other as brides for the first time. I felt such a feeling of genuine acceptance as I walked arm in arm with my Dad down the aisle, staring at the ceremony site filled with friends and family who love us. In all of those pivotal moments, my heart was hyper aware of just how special those moments really were. It will, undoubtedly, go down as the most magical day of my life.

However, the road to my dream filled day was not always paved with smooth concrete or lined with sunflowers. I spent the better part of my young, adult life navigating who I am today. I fought really hard and long to be the kind of woman who can sit here and openly write about being gay. For the most part, my fears about openly spending my life with a woman have subsided, and I spend my days being proud of the life Laine and I have built together. But some of the fears that were the hardest to escape, the very hardest to shake, were the fears about my wedding day. And no, I do not mean fears like “What if my dress doesn’t fit?” or “What if I trip down the aisle?”. No, no, my friends. I mean fears that sounded a lot like, “What if loved ones don’t attend because they aren’t accepting of who we are?”, or “What if my Dad doesn’t want to be as involved in my wedding as my sister’s and brother’s?” or “What if a venue turns us down because we are a same-sex couple?”. And even worse, in my younger days, before ever meeting Laine but still dreaming of the day I would be a bride, I had fears like “What if gay marriage is NEVER legalized, and I am always seen as unequal to the majority of Americans?”

I share all of this because I come bearing good news. Actually, GREAT news. And that great news is that LOVE WINS. I spent so much time giving weight and validity to my wedding day fears that I was genuinely horrified they would come true. All too often, especially in my early twenties, I would hear stories of parents not attending their gay child’s wedding, or hate groups picketing LGBTQ+ functions. But I am here to report with a heart full of gratitude that Laine and I’s day included exactly none of the fears that I spent far too long focusing on. We were surrounded by the most wonderful friends and family, all of whom were there because they love and accept us just as we are. We were married at a venue that not only embraced us, but treated us just as they would any other couple. Our photographer was an angel and our vendors all knew we were a lesbian couple and loved on us because of it. My Mom helped me get in my dress, my Dad walked me down the aisle, my sister gave the most amazing maid of honor speech, and my brother danced his heart out with all of my bridesmaids. All of my hopes and wishes for my wedding day were staring me in the face, and I was overcome by such happiness when I stopped to realize what was happening all around me. Love won by a mile that day.

So, back to that county clerk’s office. I was so devastated and truly moved by the feeling that I had while in that tall and dreary building that I requested our Officiant to read the words spoken by Justice Kennedy on June 26th, 2015. On this day, almost four years ago, the Supreme Court reversed the law on gay marriage, making it legal for lesbians and gays from all over the US to marry the ones that they love. A day that so many had waited their whole lives for. On that day, gay couples from every city and every state rushed to their City Halls to finally be able to legally marry their life partner. I cannot imagine the feeling; to finally be recognized as spouses under the law after a life-long battle.

I want to share one story in particular. George Harris, 82, and Jack Evans, 85, were the first gay couple to marry in Dallas. They did so just hours after the ruling was announced. They rushed to the Records Building in downtown Dallas where they were legally married and finally able to call each other husband after a long, hard-fought wait. They were partners for more than 50 years and known throughout the Dallas gay community as one unit. Inseparable and full of love for each other. Jack Evans died in 2016, just days before they would have celebrated their 1 year marriage anniversary. George and Jack are just one example of hundreds of LGBTQ+ couples with similar stories. A life long lived with the love of their life, waiting for the day they would be able to proudly hold a marriage certificate in their hands, one that showcased both of their names.

As I said, I requested that our Officiant humbly quote some of what was said that day in our ceremony. It was one of my favorite parts of the whole day. I almost felt a duty, an obligation, to recognize this momentous moment in history by having a piece of it included in our special day. Here is a portion of what was sung by Justice Kennedy in June of 2015:

“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed. It is so ordered.”

To all of those that endured the long, overdue wait: I cannot imagine your struggle. I pay tribute to it, and I hope to honor it by loving my wife well for the rest of my life. To those who spent years fighting for equality: thank you. I feel profoundly honored to be a gay woman, married to the lady of my dreams. Because of all of you, love wins. I am forever grateful. My hope is that Laine and I can do our small part to treat this precious sanctity of marriage with respect, knowing that just four short years ago, it was not a union that included people like us. We will not take it for granted. We will hold onto it tightly and always remember that feeling we felt while sitting in those county clerk chairs, reveling in just how lucky we are. The fight is not over, but for now, at least for today, let’s be grateful for how far we have come.